Figuring out life 

As we all try to figure out life we encounter so many experiences. There’s always those certain set that occur which I’ve found are sometimes in places of intense pain and sorrow or sometimes just due to an experience with love. During these times we get revelations about ourselves, either what we should or shouldn’t be doing, how we wanna live etc. 
Often times I feel as young people we’re encouraged to find a passion but in the same breath to do something that will bring in an income. Most of us are caught in this tension of doing what we love vs. what will pay the bills or we’re just simply doing what we were told to do. Here’s my experience with passion:
In the past few years in college I’ve been trying to figure out life. I’ve been spending all this time pursuing a career that I once that I was meant to do. Since college started I’ve been feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. 

I’ve always been an avid writer and lover of words and the impact that they bring. I remember my first year of college was life changing. I broke off a relationship with a young writer. As I grieved and tried to overcome my pain funny enough I started writing. 

My writing started out from a place a pain but over time it evolved to a whole array of different ideas. I remember writing poetry and then it got to the point where I’d do it all the time-in class, in the dining hall or whenever I’d get the free time. I’d share my writing with a girl that lived on my dorm. She constantly encouraged me to share my words because she said what I have to say can impact people. I blew her off thinking nothing of it.

Slowly that year as I began going through things-depression, transition, long bouts of loneliness and low self esteem I continued writing & took up therapy. 

I had this stirring in my spirit or this intense feeling that the path I’m on just isn’t for me and writing is it but I just didn’t know how it would come together.

Writing led me to encounter so many endeavors and just grow. I started a YouTube channel, a poetry blog, started writing a book, going to places to perform, and was & still is able to connect with people wit all walks of life.

I still tried to progress and continue doing what I was doing. Life soon became monotonous and miserable when writing or performing wasn’t taking place. 
I’ve gotten to the point this year as I’ve been preparing ahead for my next transition to sit down and be real with myself: I wasn’t happy when I wasn’t writing or creating.

Somethings got to give.
I finally realized after two years it’s time to make a change and take a stand.. Reclaim my power. Writing has done so much for me and has allowed me to advance and connect with others. I think this it the thing I’ve needed to focus on all along but I was so caught with fear, status, parents’ happiness and the pursuit of money. 
All this time chasing paper dreams only to encounter sorrow and pain. For this wasn’t what I longed for. 
I’m taking the steps now to finally embark on this new journey and give writing my priority. I’m seeking different ways with which to manifest whatever I’m meant to do with it. I’m grateful for the countless opportunities and I have faith that more will come my way.
I encourage you reading this to get real with yourself. Don’t waste time trying to live someone’s dream instead of your own. Don’t waste time! If you’re still figuring it out as we all are keep pushing and pressing. 
Sometimes what you’ve been seeking isn’t what you need. What you need and have been meant to do has been right in front you all along and you just needed to change your perspective.
You might get a lot of mixed reviews or reactions as you try to fulfill your gift or what you feel led to do. Expect it and don’t stop what you’re doing. I’m learning that not everyone is gonna understand or receive you. A lot of the times you’re viewed as weird or stupid if another can’t see your vision or their caught up on your past and who you used to be. If possible separate yourself from those who don’t enrich you or see your vision. If you can’t cause I know some of us are surrounded by toxic family try your best to keep your vision in the forefront of your mind, keep working towards it despite the circumstances and have faith that it will come to pass. 

“A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men”-Proverbs 18:16

Whatever it is that you’ve been meant to do you will find provision, fulfillment and satisfaction from it. 

Much love ❤️


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