How to achieve balance in this new stage and state of existence ?
There are some things I find myself constantly working to overcome battling fatigue, working through anxiety and depression and Imposter syndrome. It’s been an interesting process. I’m glad for where I am right now versus where I used to be.
I’m just so tired now. I’m not sure if the fatigue is really real or if it’s possibly a manner of internalized fear and angst regarding leveling up and coming into my own. With leveling up there’s no room for being mediocre and simply just barely making it. It’s crucial to excel in all endeavors. This desire and intense need for success has been ingrained in me for me for years on end. I assume it stems from the need to fight systematic oppression, make my fellow Caribbean people proud, and on the same level to defy the stigmas and preconceived notions placed on me as a minority.
Day by day something always comes up whether internally or externally, that either inspires, scares or frustrates me. I’ve come to the conclusion that this in itself is normal and a natural part of the process. I’m either included to propel forward on my path or for some reason I might be stuck at a standstill mulling over something that has happened internally. As time progresses I’m constantly inquiring within and seeking means outwardly regarding finding balance. See sawing between different areas of life. Navigating as one pushes forward to discover a level plain field between the internal and external realm. As an introverted empath in this fight, this battle is an ongoing laborious one that’s very anxiety inducing.
Often times it seems as though the external world comes along with numerous projections, preconceived notions, stipulations and rules impressed upon me by others. There’s this constant degree of products and ideals being pushed in a fast manner. This makes total sense being that we’re in this society which thrives off and has this innate desire for instant gratification. This happens so much so that the idea of waiting and resetting is almost foreign to most.
Some constantly refute the ideas of waiting, taking one’s time, or just simply carving out time to reset. I’ve come to the conclusion that the resistance to rest and embark on recalibration stems from the belief that rest will lead to decline in productivity and being relevant. Personally I have given into this idea myself as much as I try not to.
I do find that it can be very damaging and hazardous to exist in this realm with this thinking that one must be on 24/7 and constantly working. This breeds for the chance of increased fatigue and anxiety to manifest and come into being. There’s this pressure to constantly keep pushing and moving forward moving producing constantly with no reset button. Without a set time and a means to recalibration it is impossible to be able to produce quality work. This reflects the person behind it (the producer, rather than the consumer) no matter what the craft at hand is and may entail.